♪ If you're looking for me ♪
♪ You'd better check under the sea ♪
♪ I 'Cause that is where you'll find me ♪
♪ Underneath the Sealab ♪
♪ Underneath the water ♪
♪ Sealab ♪
♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪
Are we gonna give up just like that?
Like what? Know how much air those tanks hold?
Not a clue.
40 minutes. It's been 6 months.
But if he grew breathing man gills or something...
he could still be alive.
Yeah, and if ifs and buts were candies and nuts...
we'd all have a Merry Christmas.
What?
Why do you always drag religion into it?
- What? - Oh, hush, dummy.
Marco is...is gone.
But I hope not forgotten.
- Marco? - Sweet mother of--
What a strange and shocking turn of events!
Where have you been?
Well, a funny story. Actually, I...
Ah, it's good to be back, amigos.
Man, we thought you were dead.
Yeah. We even had a funeral.
A funeral? What did you use for a corpse?
Instant mashed potatoes.
What are you looking at, fish face?
And gravy for blood.
And King Stupid here thought...
you were reincarnated as a box turtle.
You lied to me!
Coo! I've been rumbled! Better leg it.
So, where have you been?
Well, it all started on a routine patrol.
Good cocoa.
Do I detect a pinch of cinnamon?
Marco--
- Cinnamon! - Marco!
OK, so I'm out on patrol, right?
And I see something that's--
Well, it just seemed out of place.
Why the hell would anybody put a bear trap in the ocean?
Well, that's got it.
I'm not taking any chances.
Load 'em up.
Anyway, it looked pretty unsafe.
Crikey!
So I decided to check it out.
Oh, my God! What did you do?
I radioed back for help.
Goldilocks to Papa Bear. Mayday!
Dammit! Where's the bonus pretzel?
Mayday! Mayday!
Oh! Oh! Top banana.
Peel that and suck it.
But nobody answered.
Well, we must have been fixing the radio.
Uh, yeah, we were... replacing the, um...
- Inner tubes. - ..zister.
Huh! Anyway, just about then...
it started to get a little dicey.
At first, he was just checking me out.
But I knew with each bump...
he'd get a little more aggressive.
And that it was gonna be him or me.
OK, you cartilaginous bastard!
Oh! That changes nothing.
Here you go, pony boy.
Holy bejesus! Sharks with knives!
Yeah. Would have been a good fight, too...
but we never got the chance.
Wait! Who the hell had spears?
It's the Lost Tribe of Snarkel!
Scram!
Wow! Nobody's ever seen the Snarkels...
and lived to talk about it.
I wouldn't have, either...
only right about then...
the Scuba Ninjas showed up.
Not the Scuba Ninjas!
Yes, the Scuba Ninjas! And boy, were they pissed!
You defile our Scuba Ninja dojo!
Prepare for sweeping of your knee!
Oh, my God! What did you do?
I killed them.
You fight like a tiger. I swear it.
Well, I say good riddance to bad rubbish.
Yeah. Those guys were dicks.
OK. So far, that's a 20-minute story.
You were gone 6 months.
Well, then there was the earthquake.
How long were you trapped like that?
Like a minute.
How'd you get out?
Science.
So, where the hell have you been?!
Well, I started to come back here...
and then I saw... it!
What did you see?
Hang on. Who do I have to bone around here...
to get some more cocoa?
Technically, it's "whom" do I have to bone?
And it's normally me. But this one's on the house.
But somebody owes me for that cheese!
You better call me.
OK, so I see this thing out there.
Crikier!
I can't even describe it.
The words-- they wouldn't come.
They should have sent a poet.
It was like looking into the very face of God.
What was it?
Beats me. I'm not gonna ... around with the face of God, baby.
- Wait a minute! - Shut up!
I was measured and found wanting, OK?
Anyway, turns out it was just some sort of crazy...
mixed-up, crazy billboard.
And that's when my adventure began.
Snow cones?
Not snow cones! Shave ice!
The entree for my date with destiny!
Shave ice. Real Hawaiian shave ice.
Up yours, you wipe!
Shave ice. Real Hawaiian shave ice.
Winter was hard, but once Spring came--
Wait. What happened to your eye?
Oh, a hooker knifed me.
Anyway, I figured once it warmed up...
I'd start getting more customers, but then--
Hey, man. You got any crack?
No, but you want to earn $5.00?
Yeah. You want to go back in the alley or what?
No. I've been standing here for, like, 6 months...
and I gotta pee. Watch my stand for a minute?
Um...OK.
Thanks, jangly crackhead!
Wow. My first real job.
Who would have thought when I woke up this morning...
on that blood and urine-encrusted mattress...
and set out in search of another...
to suck $5.00 out of to buy more crack...
that somebody would have seen me and said...
"Hey, Kenny, I trust you, I like you...
"and I'm gonna give you a chance.”
Well, I'm gonna take that chance...
and I'm gonna make something out of myself...
and Kenny the crackhead does not exist anymore.
From now--Hey! I'm responsible for that!
Oh, man!
Well, back to the crackhouse.
No!
My business, my life savings, all gone...
and all I had left was this bucket of urine.
- Ew! - That's disgusting!
Why'd you keep that?
I thought it would look nice...
next to this bucket of pale yellow sports drink here.
Try not to mix those up.
Well, anyhow, that was a good story.
No, it wasn't! We've been grieving our asses off, and--
Really?
And this whole time, he was off selling snow cones!
- Shave ice! - Whatever!
Well, you didn't let me finish.
There's a big twist ending you don't see coming.
What? Was it all a dream?
No, it was a hallucination.
- What? - What?
Because I lost so much blood in that stupid bear trap.
Well, how did you get out of the damn trap?
Well, if you'd quit interrupting--
Hey, has anybody seen my Kevlar vest?
Huh? Oh, my God. Dad!
Holy bejesus!
That crazy Mexican's got a gun!
What the hell was that?
That...was your son.
What?
From that time when you put your human penis in that shark.
I killed my son.
No! I'm OK!
But you got shot with 50 bullets!
Doesn't matter.
So, it's a happy ending after all.
Freedom!
It's really good to be back.
Yeah. It's good to have you back.
You ready to do this thing?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Ah, just follow my lead.
- You follow my lead. - OK.
You know, your Spanish is pretty good.
Marco, that was Portuguese.
That's how we could do it.
I'll just parrot everything.
Tell me when to go, boss.
He'll tell me in a minute when to go.
I can't hear you.
I still can't hear you.
Just give me a wave to go.
OK. Here I go.
Yes.
Keep it... OK. He's got it.
Hey! Sealab! Out of sight!